I think back to about four years ago when I discovered this entire youtube/blogger world. (This was also on a day not much different than this one, shortly after my Dad died and I had nothing better to do with my time than to mindlessly browse the web). I stumbled upon a nail tutorial and was hooked ever since. BUT...but ..but..about two years ago, this entire community of girls..regular, normal, everyday girls that I once felt so connected to, turned into this over-marketed, over-advertised, over- product-shoved-down-our -throats world. At that moment, they became out of my league and into the world of mini celebutants. Sigh. I no longer felt akin with them and when I visit their websites, it just makes me feel .. defeated. I can't afford all the designer brand stuff and I wear the same top and the same skirts and the same pants over and over and over again. Most of my shoes are scuffed and worn down so much. Although I have Tory Burch shoes, those babies are so warn in you can see past the leather in some spots. Yes part of this is out of jealousy of not being able to have stuff sent to me for review and not being able to afford a new designer bag every few months..or ever really, but I miss the girls I once knew and connected with. I did not create this blog in the hopes of one day gaining enough followers or advertisements to make money off of. I created it to share my stories, to relate to others and for pure fashion and beauty vanity.
This world is filled with enough Hollywood celebrities that can flaunt the designer stuff and can well afford to. Yes, I would like to be able to buy that stuff on a whim and not think twice about it, but I am just not in that position. I have gotten close a few times after months of saving for some coveted item and then I just can't bring myself to do it. I have looked at the same designer watch and same designer purse online now for two years and haven't budged to buy it. Simply because I already have one designer watch and one designer bag and my hard earned money is better spent elsewhere (like on paying off my neverending student loans). I feel like I am majorly splurging if I buy one of my BCBG skirts every other month. And to many that is a splurge. But when I see a purse or a piece of jewelry that another guru is wearing and I eagerly go to the website to see the price tag attached of ...sigh again..over $300.00..over $400.00..over $800.00, I just write it off as a loss. Maybe one day that will be in my reality, but for now, I have to count my pennies. I don't have a credit card and live just fine without one. I certainly am not going to get one just so I can have the next new thing.
I am not trying to sound like a "hater"-(another celebutant youtube phrase). There are some of those beauty and fashion gurus that I still watch religiously and I enjoy and I am so happy for your success. And as one wise person once said, if you have nothing nice to say, just don't say anything at all (so I never leave any nasty comments like some of these viscous girls that cower anonymously behind a computer screen do). Just maybe mix up some of the stuff you post to remind us viewers that you are still a regular, normal, everyday girl.
What is ironic is within my circle of friends or within my coworkers, I'm pretty sure some days they view me in this light. With the fabulous clothes and the fab jewelry..so it is all relative. I am thankful beyond words for the position I am in. But one thing I am not naive to, is I have a very defined sense of style. I know how to recreate more expensive looks for less. And part of that is thanks to these gurus that I am referring to. Sometimes when I come home with another MAC lipstick, the fiance will murmur something under his breath about money and "did you really need that" and my quick response is "Well..you should see some of these bloggers collections- it would put mine to shame!" He has a valid point. It is all relative.
However, I thank you bloggers and youtubers that have not moved into the "celebutant" circle. I thank you girls that still take your own photos and purchase the things you want with your own money that you earned outside of our sacred little beauty world. You make me feel..well..normal.